Balance and Bravery

a tranquilized male lion

January! Where did you go?

The first two weeks in January were incredibly productive. I wrote the first draft of a play and starting making plans for a project which might very well be a few years in the making. The second two weeks in January – productive? Not so much. Partly due to spending some quality time with my jet-lagged girlfriend and partly due to a grim-as-fuck sickness bug. I’m try to be okay with the productive / unproductive sliding scale. It’s all about balance isn’t it.

Working on the RIP IT UP project has been really interesting. Due to my diary it’s probably the Team Effort project I can contribute to least. Which is frustrating but it also can’t really be helped. I’m enjoying seeing how people work, how they speak about work, how they approach it. Makes me question my own practice, which was a big part of my participation in Team Effort. I get frustrated when I can’t access peoples ideas in a way that is helpful / useful. And it’s not that my thoughts are too abstract or isolated or linear or logical, but it has become very clear to me that I access things through the ‘why’ and the ‘who’. In the broadest sense – the political element, the human element. And that isn’t a bad thing, but RIP IT UP has made it very clear to me these questions are fundamental to my work. And its good to think about how those things effect my work, how they effect me. In a way it’s confirming what I already knew but it’s a good chance to spend some time thinking how I feel about that approach.

To cast out a wider lens, I’ve been asking lots of questions recently. Some of them are triggered by unproductiveness, some of them by connecting with old friends and some of them from going to the Edinburgh version of the Banff Film Festival. Which gave me this double wammy of joy and longing. SO I thought I’d use this blog to share a few –

– When was the last time you bled, not because of an accident but because you were trying to do something hard / so hard?

– What does adventure mean to me?

– When does self sufficientness turn into a bad thing?

– When was the last time your muscles ached not from exhaustion but from excursion?

– When was the last time you forget about someone and didn’t mind the forgetting?

– When was the last time you saw the sun / snow / sea?

– What is the difference in what you dreamed your life to be and what it is? How can you make the gap smaller?

–  Why are people drawn to feeling part of a group that helps define their identify? What does it mean to exist outside these?

– What do I identify as? How do I feel about that identity?

– Is my art really the art I want to be making?

– How do I collaborate with the other people and ensure quality and equality in that collaboration? Do I want to work that way?

– Will Cher and Cyndi Lauper tour the UK?

The last 4 questions are probably ones I will be asking all my waking life. If I come up with an answer in next 7months I’ll let you know!

Lots of questions, lots of answers. 

It’s all about balance isn’t it. 

I keep on talking about being brave. And I think I am. Slowly but surely. Both in my professional life and my personal life. As the moment is a subtle process, I feel like spring and summer will make me up my game, sunshine helps with that, just as snow did last year. 2014 is proving to be exciting. It’s nice to look ahead but it’s about ensuring you’re making the most of now. I mean it’s about balance isn’t it and being brave enough to look a lion in the teeth.

Wish you more wilderness, Sx

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